how NOT to make it

notes from a working actor

The trials and tribulations
of Mike Vaughn

(this guy)

A fellow talent forwarded me this email from a commercial casting director:

Due to actors CONSTANTLY parking in our neighbors parking spots DESPITE NUMEROUS SIGNS ALL OVER THE PLACE in our lot my landlord is requiring that I PERSONALLY PAY FOR a security Guard which will cost me thousands a month.

I am in a very bad mood.

Please alert your talent if they (OR THEIR MOMS OR GIRLFRIENDS OR BOYFRIENDS)are caught parking in our lot EVER, their agent will be getting a call from me and it will be a cold day in hell when they are called in again.

Thank you,

I’ve been to Alyson Horn casting a time or two and the no-parking thing is obvious. You would, in-fact, have to be pretty dense to park in their lot. I’m pretty sure the majority of working actors know that it’s all about the street/metered parking anyway.

But… what makes me giggle about Alyson’s email is the verbal whipping that’s delivered to the wrong audience. Here’s why:

1. There’s this great service called a Tow-Truck that can arrive within minutes with a single phone call. Heck, you could probably just have one waiting nearby like a cab at a hotel if this problem is that immense.

2. If your landlord can’t put up a security gate, better signs, call a tow truck, or figure a reasonable solution, well, maybe you’ve got the wrong landlord.

3. You could have your check-in person ask each talent if they parked in the lot, no?

4. Telling actors it will be “a cold day in hell when they are called in again” seems like a great way to alienate actors who do follow the rules. Besides, what if that perfect 3’4” blonde Hungarian with hazel eyes and Groundlings improv training (a common role to fill by the way) walks in and saves the day, but his chauffeur accidently parked in your lot? I wouldn’t think most casting directors want to miss the opportunity to see anyone who’s right for the job regardless of their driving habits.

Now that I’ve posted this, I’m certain I won’t be in the walls of Alyson Horn casting anytime soon (pending any cold fronts moving into Hades),  but I’m ok with that. I’ve earned the right to be treated with respect and dignity that any working actor deserves. And if you’re calling in people who can’t read parking signs, well.. I’m probably not right for your projects anyway.

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